When a pet dies, it can feel like the ground has been ripped out from under us. One moment, they’re there, doing their own unique thing, wagging their tail, purring on your lap, nickering as you turn up with dinner, or just snoozing in their favourite spot. The next, there’s a silence that feels unbearable. If you’re grieving the loss of a pet, know this: you’re not alone, and your feelings are valid. Pets are family. Losing them is heart-wrenching. So how do we cope with the heartache of losing a beloved animal?
Full disclosure here, my friend and I recently had our beloved horses put to sleep and the pain is frankly horrific.
The Depth of Pet Loss - Losing a Dearly Beloved Animal
Some people might not get it. They might say, “It was just a dog,” or “You can always get another horse.” But we know it was never “just” anything. Our pets are companions, a source of unconditional love, and often, a reason to get up in the morning. Grieving them is as real as grieving any other loss. Honestly if anyone is stupid enough to suggest to me that Chiquita was just a horse I might do violence!
When we lose a pet, we are not just saying goodbye to an animal; we are losing a best friend, a routine, and even a piece of our identity. I have considered myself a horsewoman for most of my life, I have no idea what I am now. Pets are there for us in ways people often aren’t. It’s unconditional love in its purest form.
Giving Ourselves Permission to Grieve
It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel lost. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and it’s not something we can simply “get over.” We have to allow ourselves to feel all the emotions – sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief if they were suffering. Each feeling is part of the process. I've been crying at random times for a while now.
Telling ourselves that somebody has it worse is rarely helpful. Several people close to me have lost family members recently. While I do not equate the loss of my horse to that, my pain is real, I still miss her. So how do we find comfort after losing a dearly beloved animal?
Finding Comfort
Here are a few things that might help:
Talk About It
Share your feelings with someone who understands. This might be a friend who’s also an animal lover or a support group for pet loss. Talking can help ease the weight of grief. Ok, so my husband and friends might get bored of listening to me cry that’s ok, I’d do the same for them. I’m learning that it’s ok to ask for help!
Create a Tribute
Honour your pet’s memory. This could be as simple as framing a favourite photo, planting a tree, or writing a letter to them. A tangible way to remember them can bring a sense of peace. We have a large amount of their tails, still working out what to do with it! I do have a bowl with some of Chiqs tail hairs baked in that a dear friend made for me a while ago, that's a nice, tangible reminder of her.
Embrace the Routine
It’s hard when you’re used to feeding, walking, or playing with our pets. Instead of avoiding those routines, consider filling them with something new, like taking a walk for your own health or spending time with other animals in need. I'm not quite ready to hang out with other horses right now, but I might feel differently one day.
Seek Professional Help if Needed
If your grief feels overwhelming or prolonged, reaching out to a counsellor can be incredibly helpful. Grief is complex, and there’s no shame in asking for support.
Meet your basic needs. Grief can make even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming, but it’s important to take care of yourself. Eat regular meals, drink water, get some sleep if you can, and move your body—even if it’s just a short walk.
Give ourselves time. Grief doesn’t have a deadline, so don’t rush yourself to “get over it.” Healing is a process, and there’s no right or wrong timeline.
Do what works. Do what you need to do to feel better. Play music, sit in silence, scream, cry, whatever works. Personally I have been following the cheese and chocolate route. I can here my old therapist in my head asking if I am eating my feelings. Yes Liz, yes I am. Cheese helps
Remembering the Good Times
While it may feel impossible now, the pain of loss does soften with time. Gradually, the tears may make way for smiles as we remember the silly things they did or the quiet moments you shared. Those memories are a gift that will always be with us.
You Are Not Alone
Grieving a pet is deeply personal, but it’s also a shared experience. Millions of people have loved and lost their furry (or feathery, or scaly) companions. There’s comfort in knowing others understand and have been through it too.
If you’re mourning the loss of a beloved pet, take it one day at a time. Lean on those who support you, honour your pet’s memory, and be gentle with yourself. Grief is love, after all – a testament to the special bond we shared.
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